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30th October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

Greetings from HMS ILLUSTRIOUS in the Mediterranean Sea

For the last nine years I’ve been serving in the Navy, and I’ve missed more games than I would like for obvious reasons. That said, my love for Tottenham Hotspur never fades. Being in the forces is a totally different way of life. You spend lots of time away from friends and family, and of course a lot of time away from Spurs. If you add everyday I’ve spent at sea together it would amount to four complete years. Obviously this is not all in one go but a seven-month deployment here, a six-month deployment there and the odd bit... Read more »

29th October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

Three Issues From Three Points

Whilst Mark Clattenburg was doing his best to usurp Howard Webb as Manchester’s favourite son, the dust was settling at Saint Mary’s. Spurs had moved back into the top four, scored a goal for the first time since 1999 at Southampton, and achieved all of this without their best midfielder and apparently their best striker. Thanks to SKY showing two Red vs Blue fixtures, I along with many who didn’t take the trip down south, were left watching the game on various stuttering internet streams. The game wasn’t a classic, or a yard stick by which to define our season... Read more »

26th October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

Mousa Sandlestone & The Ultimate Spurs Combos

As I was dragged around IKEA on Sunday by my girlfriend, I escaped to my happy place: Football. Unfortunately, unlike Ed Norton in Fight Club, there was no cute penguin sliding around to cheer me up, instead there were three talented Latino players tormenting Tom Huddlestone. “Run Tom!! Get Stuck in Tom!!” I shouted. “I am trying, honestly I am.” Clearly he wasn’t. “Hey amigo, you cant catch us jajajaja!!” “Right Tom, its time for drastic measures. Nurse, scalpel please.” Two 10 year olds screaming and throwing miniature pencils at each other at the Wembley superstore brought me out of... Read more »

22nd October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

Kyle Walker and the Zen Geezer Movement

This article originally appeared on the excellent An Evening with Lustdoctor. Click through and read more. It’s the balls. My old boxing pal Dominic Negus once told me, ‘If you spent your time knocking out the wankers in life you’d never do anything else’. This inspiring moment of ‘Zen Geezerism’ immediately entered my head in the fallout of Spurs’ 2-4 reverse against a clinical Chelsea. After likeable full-back Kyle Walker’s fallow form continued against a sharp Blues’ outfit, packed with a trio of talented and highly-paid midfielders, a few faceless keyboard warriors were almost inevitably directing abuse at the rookie... Read more »

22nd October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

A Blunt Knife in a Gunfight.

White Hart Lane on Saturday made for uncomfortable viewing for any Spurs fan. Denied our best players, handicapped by individual mistakes and lacking the slices of luck that some teams can call on at will, our position within the Premier League became apparent. This realisation didn’t occur when Chelsea and Daniel Sturridge celebrated their fourth goal, but 45 minutes before kick-off. Stood alone in the Paxton watching the Spurs keepers going through their warm up routine, the news that Mousa Dembele and Gareth Bale were missing set the alarm bells ringing. We boast a wonderful starting XI when all our... Read more »

22nd October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

6 Points from Success; Learning in Defeat

You learn more about yourself in defeat than you do in victory. Like most clichés, it’s true. Nobody enjoyed losing to Chelsea, but in the long run it could prove to be a blessing in disguise. Individual errors that have gone largely ignored during our unbeaten run were magnified and intensified, clear for all to see. However; the main thing to say after a defeat of this manner is thus – we haven’t become a bad team overnight and it wasn’t an individual player’s fault that we lost that game. We were beaten by a better side, playing more clinical... Read more »

17th October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

Life Without Chelsea

Have you ever wondered how things could have been different? How if one small incident had happened differently the course of history would have been fundamentally altered? Last weekend with no Premier League, I pondered how some women survive in a world where football doesn’t exist; I learnt to my detriment that shopping, gossiping, ordering boyfriends around and bad DVD’s keep that gap well and truly filled. Saturday night instead of working on FIFA13 my PS3 found itself playing Donnie Darko, unfortunately a jet engine never fell through my North London roof to finish me off, but I did start... Read more »

13th October 2012 | Blog, Never Mind The B*llocks

The Cockerel Knocks Out Three Lions

The international break is one of those few occasions during a Premier League season when fans can come together and support one team. Individual identities are meant to be cast aside, chests thumped and national anthems sung with gusto, but over the years something has gone very wrong along the way. The England football team is in trouble. An uninspiring mix of mediocrity and ineptitude on the pitch, the bench and in the tribunals has left a country still beating the drum over the Olympics and Paralympics rather deflated. The thought of spending money to go and watch the national... Read more »