Cheese & Cucumber Sandwichgate

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I came to the conclusion the 'vertical cut' bloke is from the colonies, so don't take it seriously. They do all sorts of strange things with food.

As for the term 'sandwichgate' - thinking about it, you're right. Apologies. I won't do that again. Years ago, Mrs Chubbs told me to stop saying, "Quite frankly...", because it sounds pompous. She was right too.
I get told off for saying literally all the time.
 
So let me get this straight.

When I come over to visit NWHL, if I go into a sandwich shop and order a ham sandwich; not only will it have butter on it, but it will be sliced horizontally?
 
How do cheese and cucumbers go together at all?
Fucking exactly. Brings back terrible memories of opening up the lunchbox to find mum had done a job on you again with cheese and cucumber. Nothing else in the fridge was there?

That an adult would willingly do this to themselves in deeply troubling. It’s what I imagine Buffalo Bill would be eating whilst he’s busy sewing away
 
Has anyone had luck in smuggling a cucumber in the new stadium?

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But you didn't do the courtesy of offering your sandwich to the steward. He must have taken offence at that.
Sorry, but you've got that totally wrong. I offered the sandwich to the security man two or three times. The LAST thing I wanted was for it to go to waste, because I'd made it with such care and wrapped it in clingfilm so he could see it wasn't a bomb, but he just tossed it in the bin. I couldn't eat it myself, because I'd just had a portion of chips from that excellent chippie outside Northumberland Park Station (only £1.80 - and top quality, with all the salt & vineagar you want).

Edit - I must emphasise that the security man and I parted on very good terms - the bastard.
 
So let me get this straight.

When I come over to visit NWHL, if I go into a sandwich shop and order a ham sandwich; not only will it have butter on it, but it will be sliced horizontally?
Who knows? You might be served by a foreigner.

However, if, when you get your visa and come down from Scotland, if you go to a cafe run by an Englishman, the answer will be 'yes'. There's only one way to cut a sarnie and it ain't 'vertical'. The reason why London is the world's most poular tourist destination? I've just explained it.
 
Fucking exactly. Brings back terrible memories of opening up the lunchbox to find mum had done a job on you again with cheese and cucumber. Nothing else in the fridge was there?

That an adult would willingly do this to themselves in deeply troubling. It’s what I imagine Buffalo Bill would be eating whilst he’s busy sewing away
Apologies - I didn't tell you the whole story. You're absolutely right - cheese & cucumber is not good, but mine had salad cream on it, which magically transforms it into something bloody lovely.

ffs I'm being forced to justify my choice of sandwich filling here. Alright ffs. Fucking Norpak on one of the slices of bread, salad cream on the other. Sliced cheese (fucking Aldi Extra Mature Fucking Cheddar in the purple fucking pack, £1.75 a pack, followed by 4 thick slices of fucking cucumber, then CUT FUCKING HORIZONTALLY).
AND I EMBOSSED IT WITH THE SPURS LOGO (on both slices of bread, so I could see the logo whichever way I ate it) BEFORE I STARTED TO MAKE THE SANDWICH.

Satisfied?

Sorry, I got a bit angry there.
 
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If you weren’t hell bent on smuggling food into football grounds perhaps you wouldn’t be called chubbs? Seriously, if you need to pig out, why not gaffer tape a chicken to your arse and wear a cloak? If I were a steward I’d wave you in from a respectable distance, but I’d need to see the chicken’s CRN number first.
 
Ha ha a disagree from a fat fuck who can’t go 2 hours without eating anything. People like you disgust me. Not only clogging up the seats at the NWHL but lamely attempting to make a joke about it. It’s people like you that have stopped me going.

Who, in their right mind would want to be surrounded by professional pie eaters? How can you sing with your mouths full of food? It’s horrible.
 
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If you weren’t hell bent on smuggling food into football grounds perhaps you wouldn’t be called chubbs? Seriously, if you need to pig out, why not gaffer tape a chicken to your arse and wear a cloak? If I were a steward I’d wave you in from a respectable distance, but I’d need to see the chicken’s CRN number first.
1. It wasn't being 'smuggled' - if you look at the photo in post one, you'll see it was in clear film, in a clear bag.
2. Last time I checked, vegetarians don't eat chicken.

Being called chubbs has nothing to do with being fat :)

Anyway, to get back on topic - If anyone is allowed to take a sandwich into the Ajax game tomorrow, could they please photograph it, to use as evidence when I make my official complaint?
 
1. It wasn't being 'smuggled' - if you look at the photo in post one, you'll see it was in clear film, in a clear bag.
2. Last time I checked, vegetarians don't eat chicken.

Being called chubbs has nothing to do with being fat :)

Anyway, to get back on topic - If anyone is allowed to take a sandwich into the Ajax game tomorrow, could they please photograph it, to use as evidence when I make my official complaint?
But why do you need to take food to a football match? It only lasts 2 hours. I’ve been going for years and no one I’ve gone with has ever felt the need to take a packed lunch. I’m guessing you’re the type of person who hurtles down to the fat market on Boxing Day because your already over stuffed fridge hasn’t actually blown up.
Here’s a tip, if you absolutely must stuff your fat face with crisps and sandwiches, do it outside of the ground. No wonder we’ve only got three songs these days,

“Stand up if you love pies, stand up if you’ve smuggled a baguette in under your XXXXXXXL cape”.

You and your ilk have ruined it for everyone. And someone should say so.
 
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