Asked ChatGPT to predict the future of this club after another poor result:
"The year is 2029.
Tottenham Hotspur, once a Premier League stalwart, is now preparing for a gritty showdown in the National Conference League. Ange Postecoglou, still at the helm despite a record-breaking four consecutive relegations, sits beside his fresh-faced assistant manager, Timo Werner, in a press room that smells faintly of despair and stale Bovril. The weekend's big game against fellow strugglers Yeovil Town looms ominously.
“Don’t screw this up, mate,” Ange mutters to Timo,who looks like he’s just realised he’s been pushed into the spotlight by Ange as some sort of elaborate punishment for forgetting to bring him his morning coffee.
Timo, clutching his book titled "Press Conferences for Dummies", nods nervously. His last attempt at public speaking involved a heartfelt but garbled speech at a local pub about why he still believes in the offside rule.
The press room buzzes with a mix of bemusement and exhaustion. Somehow, a smattering of die-hard Spurs fans are still in the building, wearing shirts emblazoned with the phrase, "Trust the Process".
“Once Ange gets all his injured players back, you’ll see. We’ll be cooking again,” one supporter says, clutching a laminated spreadsheet of hypothetical future league tables. He points out how Spurs’ xG in training matches is actually quite promising. His friend nods solemnly, while a third fan stares blankly into the middle distance, as if trying to remember what joy feels like.
Meanwhile, another group of fans huddle in a corner, whispering bitterly. “We’ve just got to stick with him. You can’t keep changing managers every time you lose 80% of your games,” one says. “What are we? The Chavs?”
As the press conference begins, Timo clears his throat and leans into the mic. “Uh... We... Uh... We are very focused on Yeovil,” he stammers, while Ange visibly winces beside him.
“Focused?” a journalist interrupts. “Yeovil beat you 5–0 last month. At home. And you called that performance, ‘a step in the right direction.’ Care to elaborate?”
Listen, it’s a process mate. Rome wasn’t built in a day, alright? Sure, Rome didn’t get relegated to the National Conference either, but that’s beside the point.”
Ange’s job hangs by a thread, with critics calling for change. However, the only realistic alternatives appear to be Chirpy the Cockerel, who reportedly demanded a five-year contract and a corn-based bonus structure, or the manager of the local Chick King, whose tactical expertise includes perfecting the 2-for-1 Tuesday special."