Ok, I’ll bite ...
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Strong candidate for best cheese in the universe right now is this 'Maida Vale' actually from Guernsey.Talking of Cheese, Lidl's Scottish Chedder is superb.
As you were
You want to get better female company pal.It's also known as 'French cheese'. It dribbles out of your sandwich, falls on your jeans and smells like a tart's arsehole.