Come here to laugh at West Spam

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I do think their new kit is very well executed - 'classy' is an apt description.

It's still horrible colours though. Burgundy and Light Blue. Urgh.

I just can't imagine Villa or West Ham ever becoming a great side, because the gods of colour would never allow it
 
Watching the boxing the Ohata Davies card.

A fighter called Sam Mcness comes on a 7 &0 prospect , during the build up it shows him in the gym With West Ham plastered all over the place , his trainer comes on talking up his fighter in one of those God awful mockney accents , the commentators can't stop saying what a prospect this Mcness is and mention West Ham 100 times, Mcness makes his entrance West Ham draped all over him a proper full kit wanker to a vociferous rendition of I'm forever blowing bubbles , the camera pans across the crowd and I notice a guy with a t shirt with a big West Ham emblem and our colours never run written across it most seem of this ilk, Mcness gets in the ring the camera again pans out Mark Noble mug fills the camera looking smug and proud he winks at the onlooking Mcness , it couldn't be cringier if David Gold promoted it , the challenger who is supposed to be a journeyman enters to loud boos and some light racism.

The fight begins a childish nursery rhyme about bubbles rings out and I even hear "he's one of our own he's one of our own Sam Mcness he's one of our own , the Hammers are in party mode it's a sure thing for their man except the challenger is actually edging the first round and goes on too win it , the second round begins and the Hammers are no less smug except Mcness is struggling with his mobile and elusive challenger and goes on to lose the round , the third begins and the Hammers have lost their voice a bit and look concerned their boy clearly means a lot to them , the first minute is even but the challenger is less elusive planting his feet more clearly fancying his chances in a square go and then it happens the challenger lands a solid right and wobbles Mcness and goes after him catching him several times , Mcness survives the round but is lucky not to get knocked down , the fourth begins and the Hammers cant be heard Mcness is caught early and absolutely battered the ref should stop the fight but doesnt Mcness survives just the fifth begins but the towel is soon thrown in by Mcness corner and anger is sensed in the crowd the challenger jubilantly raises his hands then suddenly heads to his dressing room sharpish.

"farking calm daan " carm da fuk daan" rings out of the loudspeaker more than a few ICF wanabee pikeys are seen brawling and the camera quickly cuts away and we go to commercials , the commercials finish and the pikeys are still brawling and the whole card is now at risk of being cancelled.

I'm pissing myself what ever level you see West Ham absolutely embarrassing themselves is a wonderful experience I truly detest them.
 
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superstaryid said:
Watching the boxing the Ohata Davies card.

A fighter called Sam Mcness comes on a 7 &0 prospect , during the build up it shows him in the gym With West Ham plastered all over the place , his trainner comes on talking up his fighter in one of those God awful mockery accents , the commentators can't stop saying what a prospect this Mcness is and mention West Ham 100 times, Mcness makes his entrance West Ham draped all over him a proper full kit wanker to a vociferous rendition of I'm forever blowing bubbles , the camera pans across the crowd and I notice a guy with a t shirt with a big West Ham emblem and our colours never run written across it most seem of this ilk, Mcness gets in the ring the camera again pans out Mark Noble mug fills the camera looking smug and proud he winks at the onlooking Mcness , it couldn't be cringier if David Gold promoted it , the challenger who is supposed to be a journeyman enters to loud boos and some light racism.

The fight begins a childish nursery rhyme about bubbles rings out and I even hear "he's one of our own he's one of our own Sam Mcness he's one of our own , the Hammers are in party mode it's a sure thing for their man except the challenger is actually edging the first round and goes on too win it , the second round begins and the Hammers are no less smug except Mcness is struggling with his mobile and elusive challenger and goes on to lose the round , the third begins and the Hammers have lost their voice a bit and look concerned their boy clearly means a lot to them , the first minute is even but the challenger is less elusive planting his feet more clearly fancying his chances in a square go and then it happens the challenger lands a solid right and wobbles Mcness and goes after him catching him several times , Mcness survives the round but is lucky not to get knocked down , the fourth begins and the Hammers cant be heard Mcness is caught early and absolutely battered the ref should stop the fight but doesnt Mcness survives just the fifth begins but the towel is soon thrown in by Mcness corner and anger is sensed in the crowd the challenger jubilantly raises his hands then suddenly heads to his dressing room sharpish.

"farking calm daan " carm da fuk daan" rings out of the loudspeaker more than a few ICF wanabee pikeys are seen brawling and the camera quickly cuts away and we go to commercials , the commercials finish and the pikeys are still brawling and the whole card is now at risk of being cancelled.

I'm pissing myself what ever level you see West Ham absolutely embarrassing themselves is a wonderful experience I truly detest them.
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What a fabulous read!

Thanks for sharing... :vert:
 
Airfixx said:
What a fabulous read!

Thanks for sharing... :vert:
Click to expand...

turns out the joke was on me , I tuned in thinking that Taylor Davies was topping the bill on BT , it wasn't ,Ohara Davies was on channel 5 ! i missed the first four rounds by the time i realised , still small price to pay after watching that pikey getting panelled.
 
The state of that club, biggest joke and cringe in football, they never help themselves, there too dumb to realise that there the butt of so many jokes, with there cringey fake passion. Great comic value however, from ridiculous bids for Lacezette, crying over Payet, terrible stadium, in fan fighter, pathetic bubble machine, porno owners, bitch chairwomen (Brady), the list is endless.
 
HAHAHAHAAAA!!

It’s not until you see a URL like ‘officialwesthamstore.com/home-accessories/bathroom/2408_12-PACK-NAPPIES.html’ that you truly understand what it is to laugh alone, sat at a desk. Oh yes, West Ham sell nappies. They sell nappies alright.

The first thing to say here is ‘What in holy hell?’ but once that rhetorical blasphemy has been dealt with, two things stick out. The first is that charging £10 (plus delivery) for 12 disposable nappies really is the most sensational work of this series. For those interested, you can buy 80 Pampers nappies for £11 in Sainsburys.

And then there’s the metaphor, because there is something deeply joyful about a club taking its product marketing so far that you can have an item branded in club colours and badge which has the literal use of being filled with sh*t and p*ss before being thrown into a bin to fester. Sometimes the punchlines aren’t needed.

Yet the best treat is saved for the product photo on the website. Because, and I cannot explain this on the club’s behalf, West Ham appear to have used a baby to advertise this product who simultaneously looks both four months and 42 years old. Honestly, it’s Phil Mitchell crossed with Nottingham Forest era Steve Stone.
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^^ This is the kind of thing the Dembele LOL was made for...... :dembelelol::dembelelol::dembelelol:
 
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