The 1901 Cup Final

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I peer over to the bar to see a man in his seventies, on his own. he is falling asleep on his stool. He has a copy of the racing post on his lap. It's only purpose in to disguise the saucer sized patch of urine on his grubby cream slacks.
I thought you said you had good banter with your Dad !
 
I thought you said you had good banter with your Dad !

I look down at the menu, the stand out choices appear to be a minted lamb burger or a Cajun chicken wrap. I wonder about the potential horse content but then decide I don't really care anyway. The menu is sticky. My packet of golden Virginia is empty. Would anyone care if I trawled the ashtrays outside for butts? I have three rizla left, I could make a mixie.
 
I'm confused, are you still in Wetherspoons in Swindon ? That menu seems far superior to what I remember, in the days that I had to slum it. Thank fuck I got myself out of that downward spiral of surf and turf, onion rings and a free pint. Oh, I get it, you will do anything for a free pint. That means you can use that money to put towards some, what is it, Golden Virginia ? If I was you I would stick to the Butts, save the money, then in about 5 years you might even be able to afford a decent drug of choice. In your case, I'd put my money on Rohyp.
 
I'm confused, are you still in Wetherspoons in Swindon ? That menu seems far superior to what I remember, in the days that I had to slum it. Thank fuck I got myself out of that downward spiral of surf and turf, onion rings and a free pint. Oh, I get it, you will do anything for a free pint. That means you can use that money to put towards some, what is it, Golden Virginia ? If I was you I would stick to the Butts, save the money, then in about 5 years you might even be able to afford a decent drug of choice. In your case, I'd put my money on Rohyp.

There's a girl in the corner with a black eye, she's sobbing quietly. I think I've shagged her before after a night out in Yates. I'm too embarrassed to approach her. No point anyway, I haven't been able to get it up since the accident. The stitches in my neck don't come out for another three weeks and the limp is still pronounced.

What time is it anyway? What day is it even? Must be during the week, it's empty in here.

I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME, I DIDN'T EVEN CLEAN UP THE SICK!
 
There's a girl in the corner with a black eye, she's sobbing quietly. I think I've shagged her before after a night out in Yates. I'm too embarrassed to approach her. No point anyway, I haven't been able to get it up since the accident. The stitches in my neck don't come out for another three weeks and the limp is still pronounced.

What time is it anyway? What day is it even? Must be during the week, it's empty in here.

I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME, I DIDN'T EVEN CLEAN UP THE SICK!

The girl/woman in the corner is your Sister, the black eye is self inflicted when she found out you were her brother. Yates, are you fuckin kidding me, Wetherspoons rely on your custom to keep them in fish fingers. Where's your loyalty man. As for the limp, I would imagine that is due to the genital infection you picked up somewhere between Wetherspoons and Yates. As for the time, as I said before, it's way past your bedtime, yes, I know it's the holidays for you, but you know your housemaster likes you in bed nice and early. Don't worry, you won't be empty for long, sweet dreams.
 
The girl/woman in the corner is your Sister, the black eye is self inflicted when she found out you were her brother. Yates, are you fuckin kidding me, Wetherspoons rely on your custom to keep them in fish fingers. Where's your loyalty man. As for the limp, I would imagine that is due to the genital infection you picked up somewhere between Wetherspoons and Yates. As for the time, as I said before, it's way past your bedtime, yes, I know it's the holidays for you, but you know your housemaster likes you in bed nice and early. Don't worry, you won't be empty for long, sweet dreams.

Just end it. For the sake of the gene pool.
 
It's been nice chatting Carlitto, I don't understand why everyone doesn't get you. It's obvious you are Cantona in disguise, must run.
 
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