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Christmas Tips from Spurs

3 min read
by The Fighting Cock

The season to be jolly is on the horizon and Tottenham Hotspur are looking to cash in on the festive goodwill. After the critically acclaimed success of Celebrate Pippa Middleton’s book on how to throw the perfect party, Spurs marketing supremos have moved quickly to capture their share of the market. For the past year […]

The season to be jolly is on the horizon and Tottenham Hotspur are looking to cash in on the festive goodwill. After the critically acclaimed success of Celebrate Pippa Middleton’s book on how to throw the perfect party, Spurs marketing supremos have moved quickly to capture their share of the market. For the past year they have been creating: Christmas Tips from Spurs a book designed to help every Spurs fan have a spectacular Christmas.

A source close to the club said: “Christmas is a stressful time for some, we at Spurs are all about making life easy for everyone. This book will be the essential Christmas guide.”

Although it has yet to come out, my source allowed me to have a brief flick through its pages, here are a few of tips that Tottenham Hotspur guarantee will help you have that perfect Christmas.

Sandro:

Why go for turkey? A proper man needs big food. We at Casa Raniere opt for Ostrich, it’s bigger, tastier and the feeling I get from cooking something I chased down and killed with my own teeth makes everything taste better. Serve it with a side of wild boar and elephant. Feliz Natal.

Daniel Levy:

Christmas shopping is all about bargains and rushing around, but why be a lemming? I always wait for the last minute that way I always manage to bag a massive turkey.

Heurelho Gomes:

Always, always, always make sure your presents are wrapped up well. Especially the fragile ones, keeping hold of something when everyone is watching can be tricky.

Andre Villas-Boas:

Been promised something special but when you get it all the important bits to make it work are missing? Put on a brave face and accept it, remember the January sales are just round the corner.

Tom Huddlestone:

Remember at the Christmas dinner everyone over-indulges, to make sure that you get your fill I recommend hiding bits of food before everyone sits down. Try taping a few roasties under the table, or filling your pockets with sprouts, you never want to go with out!!

Gareth Bale:

Why not try something from abroad? A friend in Spain sent me some wonderful Manchego cheese that has been rested to perfection. He kept it on his bench so he wouldn’t forget to send it. Also try personalizing gifts, along with the cheese I got a football shirt with my name on it.

Ledley King:

Christmas is the perfect time for a good old knees up, just be careful not to go overboard on the booze. Even the nicest people can change after a few drinks!

Brad Friedel:

At this time of year the weather gets really cold, remember to wrap up warm and make sure the elderly are well taken care of. Also if you happen to have a French guy turn up, watch out he will have your number one spot by the TV in minutes.

The coaching staff:

Having poor relations visit from up north? Try and be as accommodating as possible. We like to let them turn up, make themselves at home and allow them to win at the post dinner games. However should you find yourself invited round to a neighbour who has recently moved into the area, try to back off should you find yourself winning.

Emmanuel Adebayor:

Christmas is a time for helping those less fortunate than you. If you see a former friend struggling lunge right in and help them out. Going over the top is always ok when you are looking to really help someone.

Aaron Lennon:

Try not to pass out before the big occasion!!

The book looks set to be a best seller, rumours that Woolwich are attempting to write their own version have been strongly denied by my source: “They don’t know who will still be there in January let alone next summer or winter, it won’t happen.”

The book will be on sale in the next few weeks and will be available at most good bookshops.

All views and opinions expressed in this article are the views and opinions of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of The Fighting Cock. We offer a platform for fans to commit their views to text and voice their thoughts. Football is a passionate game and as long as the views stay within the parameters of what is acceptable, we encourage people to write, get involved and share their thoughts on the mighty Tottenham Hotspur.

1 Comment

  1. DAVSPURS
    02/12/2012 @ 8:26 pm

    Very well written and sound advice . This would be my Christmas Cracker to be opened on the 31 January at 12 o’clock. 1 Dear Mr Levey your best signing would be keeping Bale and telling Modric our benched at Madrid and they still owe us money 2 We have some jems sparkling in the youth set up install David Ginola for under 18 he is doing is coaching badges 3 sell Bentley Jenas Bongani 4 make sure we sign one top player and don’t flog these Dawson Hudds Lennon Bale Walker Rose Naughton 4 get us in the top four and Wembley and we will put you in the hall of fame something no chairman has achieved Coys

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