I am the very model of a modern Tottenham Hotspur fan

I am the very model of a modern Tottenham Hotspur fan

For fifty years of mostly tears as part of football’s Yiddo clan

Bill Nicholson, then Terry Neill were followed by Keith Burkinshaw,

Since then so many managers – there’ll soon be number twenty four

We’ve had some hapless hopefuls, but none worse than one-way Christian Gross

We’ve won some cups but not the league though Venables came very close

We thought that Pochettino was the one to make the cockerel crow

But Levy lost his bottle now we’re saddled with Mourinho

But Levy lost his bottle now we’re saddled with Mourinho

I want players who Dare To Do like Tottenham legends long ago

McKay, Blanchflower, Klinsmann’s power and teeny-weeny Osvaldo

Instead I watch drab Dier and the joke that is Serge Aurier

And pine for transfer windows so that some will soon be on their way

Hoddle, Greaves and Gascoigne were all players who I loved to see,

Even Gary Lineker – before he made more on TV

Sir Les, The King, Kane, Bale — again – bring us to the present day

But players wanting glory went to Manchester for better pay

But players wanting glory went to Manchester for better pay

Sheringham and Berbatov and Carrick all made moves up north

They liked winning trophies more than aiming only to be fourth

North London’s second football club won’t pass my lips before I die

On match days I won’t eat lasagne or Campbell’s soup – just kosher pie

I no longer stand in White Hart Lane to watch the Lilywhites

A fortune buys me padded seats and pre-match gourmet tasty bites

So many years of false hopes make me still a disappointed man

I am the very model of a modern Tottenham Hotspur fan

I am the very model of a modern Tottenham Hotspur fan