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dudu said:
Fuck me this is beautiful

If Woolwich are unpopular with neutrals, it’s because they waste everyone’s time. Not just their opponents’ time, but our time too. Football fans everywhere are suffering Woolwich’s consequences. They are like a company that spews pollution into the environment in their production process, privatising the profits and socialising the costs. To them, dumping toxic sludge into the river is just free waste disposal. It’s the rest of us who get a headache when we drink the tap water.
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this was a Ken Early Article in the Irish Times - it was fucking brilliant. he ripped them a new one. I'll try get the full transcript and paste it here, it's genuinely wonderful
 
Rafa said:
HJtok3pXEAMtXUO
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Ken Early you legend!
 
Rafa said:
HJtok3pXEAMtXUO
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Full Transcript

A genuinely brilliant and worthwhile read

The defining moment of the 2026 Champions League final came at the very end of the first half.

As the clock shows we have played 5:10 of a minimum six minutes of stoppage time, the ball bounces out for an Woolwich throw a few metres from PSG’s corner flag.


The closest Woolwich player, Kai Havertz, whose goal after six minutes has given Woolwich the lead, picks up the ball and walks infield past the linesman, who seems to ask him where he is going and gestures back to where the throw is supposed to be taken from.

Havertz looks at him with seeming surprise and leans in to hear his explanation – “sorry, what’s that?” – then, at last understanding, bounces the ball gently back towards full back Cristhian Mosquera, who is sauntering up the line towards him.


Mosquera takes the ball in his hands, looks up, points at the grass as if to confirm with the officials, “this is where you want us to take it from?” – then, surprisingly, drops it to the ground and jogs into the box. Declan Rice comes striding over, projecting dominant body language against the impatient whistles of the PSG fans. Referee Daniel Siebert stares.

Rice first nudges the ball a couple of metres away from the line, walks over to retrieve it, picks it up, turns around. He walks back to the line and watches his team-mates slowly moving into the PSG box. The referee waves his arm – “get on with it”. Rice seems to decide only now on his course of action. He takes a few slow steps back so he can have a good run at it. When he eventually flings the ball into the box, the clock says we are 5:49 into stoppage time. It’s taken 39 seconds to restart play.


Everyone jumps for the dropping ball and it’s headed twice up into the air before Willian Pacho clears it behind for a corner as the clock shows 5:55.

As everyone knows, Woolwich have turned corners into a wonder-weapon so this is a big moment, a serious chance to extend their lead in the last seconds of the half. But Woolwich corners unfold according to a whole process that must be respected.


By 6:22 of the minimum six minutes of stoppage time, the appointed corner taker Bukayo Saka is at last making his way slowly towards the flag, turning the ball in his hands with apparent fascination, like an astronaut examining a moon rock.

At some level, you have to admire the sheer craftsmanship with which this Woolwich team wastes time – the awesome discipline and concentration with which everyone suppresses their individual will to play their role in the collective theatrical endeavour. This must be what Mikel Arteta means by “culture”.

By now the PSG fans are whistling so much they almost completely drown out the sound of the referee’s half-time whistle at 6:25. Saka certainly doesn’t hear it – by 6:30 when he has turned around at the corner flag, he sees that the rest of the players are already walking off the pitch, led by the referee, who could not be making it more clear that he has had enough of Woolwich’s nonsense.

He’s just watched 75 seconds of the biggest game in club football in which the ball was in play for six seconds and he’s not the only one running out of patience.


Why spend even longer describing these dismal events than Woolwich took to make them (not) happen? Because this scene encapsulated Woolwich’s approach to the Champions League final and, in broad terms, the ethos of their triumphant ’25-’26 season.

Woolwich’s basic principle is this. We will concentrate harder than you. We will be more focused on the details than you. We will manipulate the tempo and bore you and frustrate you until the point comes when you switch off, and that’s when we’ll finish you.

PSG knew all about it. The player of the match, Vitinha, revealed after the game what Luis Enrique had told his players at half-time: “Don’t lose the patience. We know that they play one specific way – that takes us out of the game. That’s what they want. The time they take to ... to everything. The corners, the fouls, goal-kick, everything. I’m not criticising, it’s their strategy. But it’s easy to fall on that. And I think we didn’t.”

Woolwich came out for the second half knowing it would consist of 2,700 seconds and that their objective was to kill them all: “Exterminate all the brutes.”


At 45:36, Fabian Ruiz’s header bounces out of play as Mosquera holds him off. The Woolwich full back is the closest player to the ball, but he immediately turns and jogs upfield as though somebody else is going to take the throw-in. Having completed that charade, he returns and picks up the ball, then stands looking around with a stagey expression of bafflement, as though not quite sure what is supposed to happen next.

At 45:51 Siebert’s patience snaps, he waves his arms as if to say “enough” and he shows Mosquera the first yellow card of the match. Mosquera eventually takes the throw at 46:15. Another 40 seconds duly eliminated.


If Woolwich are unpopular with neutrals, it’s because they waste everyone’s time. Not just their opponents’ time, but our time too. Football fans everywhere are suffering Woolwich’s consequences. They are like a company that spews pollution into the environment in their production process, privatising the profits and socialising the costs. To them, dumping toxic sludge into the river is just free waste disposal. It’s the rest of us who get a headache when we drink the tap water.

Take the 40 seconds we collectively wasted, as a planet, watching Mosquera get booked for taking that throw too slowly. Uefa reckons that 150 million people watch the Champions League final – 40 seconds times 150 million is six billion seconds. This action represented a futile waste of 190 years of precious human life. These billions of wasted seconds are a negative externality of Arteta’s game model.


Arteta might argue that his responsibility is to his club, not the world football community, and that he is in the business of winning trophies, not hearts and minds.

You hope for his sake, then, that he takes a break from adapting coaching tricks and concepts from stop-start, data-brained Americans sports, and instead studies what Luis Enrique is doing at PSG. His team showed there are other ways to provoke your opponents into mistakes. You don’t always have to frustrate and stupefy. You can also rush them into it.

Look at how the equaliser came about. On 60:35, Mosquera blocks Khvicha Kvaratskhelia’s attempted cross for a PSG corner.

At this point, something happens that you don’t often see. David Raya walks 10 metres out of his goalmouth and off the field to where a spare ball was resting on a cone, picks it up, and brings it back with him into the six-yard box. Obviously, play can’t properly restart if the goalkeeper has brought an extra ball on the pitch. Fabian Ruiz impatiently wrestles the rogue ball from Raya and throws it behind.


Raya now starts getting set for the corner – but he doesn’t have much time. At 60:53, Ousmane Dembélé whips the corner towards the near post. PSG have taken 18 seconds to restart, despite Raya’s scheming to delay. Raya punches clear, but PSG collect it again and launch another attack down the left. At 61:13, Mosquera tangles with Kvaratskhelia and the referee – with a palpable air of satisfaction? – points to the spot for a penalty.

It’s 38 seconds since PSG won the initial corner. If that had been an Woolwich corner, they wouldn’t even have taken it by now.

The regret for Woolwich will be wondering how this final might have gone if they had focused a bit less on killing the clock and a bit more on playing the game.

Did “the best out-of-possession team in Europe” really have to treat Vitinha with such respect that they did not try to press him at all? With Woolwich standing off him to guard space, PSG’s playmaker was afforded the freedom to complete 141 passes – three more than Saliba, Gabriel, Rice, Lewis-Skelly, Odegaard, Saka, Trossard, Havertz, Eze and Zubimendi combined.

The statistics show Woolwich had only one shot on target in 120 minutes. If the ends justify the means, then the means need to be looked at.

Listen to Luis Enrique. “I have to say, it’s a simple idea. You only have to have fun. On the pitch, you only have to take – select the players with a lot of quality, individual technical quality. And after that try to play the way we think is better. And the most important thing for me is, when I listen – our supporters especially, but even supporters for other teams – that they have fun looking at our team, watching our team playing football.”


Part of the joy of winning the Premier League for Woolwich has been to exult in the moaning of the many losers and haters. Their attitude to those who criticise their style has been, more or less, “we welcome your hatred”.

But a way of playing that was more fun for everyone else might, in the end, be more fun for them too.






Oh man! what a piece of art.
 
This line makes me lol so much

By 6:22 of the minimum six minutes of stoppage time, the appointed corner taker Bukayo Saka is at last making his way slowly towards the flag, turning the ball in his hands with apparent fascination, like an astronaut examining a moon rock.
 
As well as expansion of VAR checks on scum-like violence on corners, there's now:

• 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘄-𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 (𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀): If a player deliberately delays the restart of play, the throw can be given to the opposition.

• 𝗚𝗼𝗮𝗹-𝗸𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 (𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀): Also applies to deliberate attempts to run down the clock and can result in a corner being awarded.

• 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲-𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 (𝟭𝟬 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀): Substituted players have 10 seconds to leave the field at the nearest point. If they fail to do so, the substitute cannot enter the field for at least one minute and the team must continue with 10 players.

• 𝗢𝗳𝗳-𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 (𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲): Players who are treated by the physio must stay off the field for 60 seconds. There are some exceptions, including for goalkeepers, injuries and if the opponent is booked or sent off.

• 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵𝘀: Any player covering their mouth in a confrontational situation with an opponent may be sanctioned with a red card.

• 𝗖𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗱: If VAR can make sure that a corner has been correctly awarded, but this must be done quickly and before the restart. Does not apply to wrongly awarded goal-kicks.

• 𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝗲𝗱: Players sent off for two cautions can have the second booking checked - but there will be no reviews for potential second yellows.

Expect these to be bounced over to the leagues.

RIP scumball next season.


View: https://x.com/TouchlineX/status/2061749675225698563
 
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