9 May, 2062.
Celebrity investor and international man-of-mystery Benoit Assou-Ekotto acquired the majority stake of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club today in a stunning and unexpected move that made headlines across the world, and shook up the European footballing elite. In a press conference directed towards supporters, Assou-Ekotto remarked "I am very happy to return to the Spurs, lol!" The announcement came shortly before the close of the Premier League season, in which Spurs are second in the league, having secured their thirteenth Football Association Cup victory. A win in their final game of the season may deliver the Premier League Title yet again for Spurs, as the club has established itself as a perennial title competitor.
It was in this same press conference that a revamped logo for the footballing club was revealed. Replacing the traditional logo is an aggressively stylized fighting cock sporting a resplendent Afro. In an obvious move to appease traditional supporters, Assou-Ekotto restored the club's traditional motto, "Audere est Facere," but with an interesting new twist. The new motto, "Audere est Facere, Bitches!" sparked an outcry from feminist groups, who gathered en masse to protest in front of White Hart Lane at Northumberland Park.
Details are being withheld, but confidential sources are reporting that Assou-Ekotto met with a delegation of feminist representatives in a meeting behind closed doors. They are believed to have voiced their concern regarding the new direction of Tottenham Hotspur, but shortly afterward the assembled crowds protesting in front of the stadium dispersed without incident. Shortly thereafter, a number of women were sighted leaving the stadium in various states of undress wearing smug grins of satisfaction, but our sources are unable to verify at this time whether these events are connected.
Mr. Assou-Ekotto, whose time at Tottenham Hotspur from 2008-2016 was marked by a resurgence in the club's stature, is well known in international circles for his success in the business world. After ending his career with Tottenham Hotspur and retiring from football, Mr. Assou-Ekotto successfully diversified his assets into a range of businesses that evolved into a multinational conglomerate. This success is characterized by Assou-Ekotto's monopolization of the disco-ball market. A subsequent revival in the disco genre brought unexpected windfall profits to BAE, Inc. which subsequently acquired the faltering "Smart Car" brand from the defunct Daimler AG, which developed into the leading international manufacturer of "Smart" brand automobiles and aerospace vehicles.
In recent years, Assou-Ekotto, 78, is reported to have grown bored with the ease in which he acquired his fortune, and began considering new ventures to increase shareholder value. "I've always been fond of the Tottingham area, so I was having my braids worked on last Wednesday down on the corner and thought 'Why not Tottenham? Why not fucking Tottenham?' I walked to the stadium, made an offer, and they accepted, lol."
:brad: 
:rafaaaa: 
