Vertigo by John Crace Competition CLOSED

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Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

It was Wednesday January 31st 2007. Semi Final 2nd Leg.

I was in a relationship and living with a girl, at her parents’ house, I had been with since I was 14 (I was 24 at the time). I had a really good relationship with the rest of the family, who are a really nicey, nicey kind of people that don't even swear! and a real strong bond with her father, who is a staunch Woolwich fan. He has 2 daughters and a homosexual son, so to him I was the 'son' he could banter with about football. I had planned to meet the lads at a nearby pub at 6ish for the game so I had an hour to kill before I left.
My GF was feeling frisky so we went upstairs and got at it, I was wearing my Spurs shirt ready for the pub and she agreed to put it on it as I doggy'd her.

A Couple of minutes later her Dad walks straight in on us and he goes fucking bezerk! Like I say, this family are so innocent I would doubt that they even thought we were EVER at it. - So.....not sure if it was just that she was wearing my Spurs shirt that made him go nuts to be honest!

Anyway, I quickly get dressed and make my exit to the pub, We lose 3-1. Cunts. Naturally I decided to stay in the pub all night and get cunted and what with the vision of me smashing his daughters back doors in whilst she wears my Spurs shirt firmly lodged in my GF dad's mind, I thought it would be a good idea to steer clear.

I stumble back to the house around 1am battered, and I genuinely have no excuses for what happens next...

I sneak upstairs to our bedroom and lift the lid of the washing basket and start pissing in it!! I look down and see that I am urinating on a Woolwich shirt! I slowly come round to what I am doing and jump back......right on the toes of my GF's Dad (who's bedroom I was really in). He kicks me out and I have to walk 2 miles to my parents house.

We broke up about 3 months later. It was depressing because 1. We lost in a semi final to them cunts 2. It was ultimately what led to our break up after 10 years and 3. Because I never got the chance to abuse that gooner cunt for having a gay son!

FUCK YOU, YOU HOMO PRODUCING CUNT. :beer:

Stevie
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

Most depressing moment was realising we once had a defence of Chris 'No touch' Perry & Ben 'Knock it long' Thatcher.
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

**This isn't an entry, I've already got the book**

Gary Mabbutt's testimonial. The fucking limp display against Newcastle in a game that was meant to celebrate a legend and hero, a man who was dealing with diabetes yet still put heart and soul into every game - you're not supposed to lose a testimonial, and you sure as hell aren't supposed to lose one against the geordies. It was a humiliation because nobody on the pitch seemed to give a shit about the man we'd all come to thank. Everything about that game was wrong, and I've never left the Lane feeling sadder than I did that day. I remember the Newcastle fans singing his name at the station and all I wanted to do was shove them under a train; their decency seemed nothing more than revelling in our pathetic display. I wanted them angry and distressed, not happy and cheery after a nice easy win in North London. I wanted to see fat geordies shirtless and crying all the way back to their grim homes.

Gary deserved better.
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

It's late, Iv'e had a few and I've read a lot of accounts of bad days and their seem to have been a few. Here's my 'Orrible Episode
________________________________
I Remember the first year we came up from the old second division (1978) and playing the Scum at home and this was my first ever derby experience. My uncle had educated me well and I had understood that all the other games didn't matter as long as we did the 'double' over Woolwich. At 0-4 my cousin and I could not take it anymore and left early (never left a game early since). We were walking up the Park Lane and heard a huge roar and thought we had at least scored a consolation goal. 0-5, that hurt. I adopted a real loathing for the scum that day and ever since, and, to paraphrase Noel Coward (Mr Bridger) in the Italian Job, they have incurred my displeasure ever since... Strangely enough, this 'oribble memory came back to me last Sunday when I was in the queue at the Park Lane ticket office a few minutes after the game had started (I'd picked up my son Robbie's membership by mistake as opposed to my own season ticket in Block 5 - 1). I was watching the game on my phone while preparing to explain why they should issue me with an emergency ticket and let me in to see the game (apparently quite a few people had left in a rush that day judging by the queue). I had made a few new friends in the queue that wanted to see the game on a 3 inch screen. Then we found out that the TV coverage was about 3 minutes behind the game as we clearly heard a celebration, but it seemed too quiet to be us (maybe that's the fear - it couldn't be us, could it?). A ticket office official quickly assured us that Spurs had scored, but thinking back to '78, I wasn't convinced and, to be honest, he did not look too sure either. We then faced an agonising few minutes before finally seeing Modders get back in our good books with that classy strike. Get in! COYS.
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

October 19th 2008.

Our 8th game of what had been a terrible season. Our worst start to a season since the Titanic sank in 1912! A must win Stoke away fixture. After being persuaded not to drive up to the Britannia stadium by my old man i instead made the short journey to WHL, parked up in there secure car park and jumped on the supporters coach. After a long boring journey up with a bunch of boring stattos we arrived and the game got under way. This was the game where we would kickstart our season...... Within minutes Bale was red carded and Stoke awarded a Penalty. FUK... FUK FUK FUK. 1-0. Before halftime was out we were 2-0 and looking shockingly shit. The game over before it had even began. The second half got under way and we offered nothing. Stoke were gifted another penalty but somehow they managed to miss it. Bent grabbed a late consolation goal with barely a cheer amongst the spurs fans. With another pathetic display from spurs over a long journey home awaited. I crawled back onto the coach with all of the depressed spurs fans only to be told we were being kept back because of some trouble between the two sets of fans. AN HOUR LATER we left the car park. Fuksake! When we finally got moving we were met with a huge traffic jam on the M6. A 4 hour standstill!!! In the time we were stuck the whole coach managed to watch all of Indiana Jones 4 without barely moving 10 feet!! Great. When the traffic finally cleared up i didn't think things couldnt get any worse. But somehow the dickhead coach driver decided to miss the M11 turnoff and had us going around in fucking circles. When the prick finally found his way back to WHL we arrived well gone midnight!! Not far now. But bullocks. FUK FUK FUK. Spurs secure car park wasnt as secure as they had stated. My car had been broken into. Glass everywhere, my stereo stolen, my new coat stolen, my sat nav stolen, my half used aftershave stolen!! But it wasn't all bad as my smelly used underpants were left on the floor Cheers. Driving home with the wind blowing in my face, sitting on broken shards of glass with spurs sitting at the bottom of the table i asked myself why do i do it? CUNT IT! Bolton at home next week. A MUST WIN GAME!
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

Not sure if this counts more as pitiful rather than depressing but I sulked a lot afterwards....

Freezing temperatures surround Molineux in February 2010. I went with my Dad (as ever) to watch the mighty Spurs who had lost to those maggots at WHL 0-1 earlier in the season. Unfortunately for me, I know a lot of Wolves fans so it is always 'fun' with much banter on both sides when we do play each other. I was still hearing about the 3 points taken from The Lane yet felt quietly content that this could never happen again. We got to the ground, feeling lucky to be in one piece after nearly breaking our necks on the sheet ice around the ground and headed towards the home end where we had our tickets (depressing enough!). My Dad had his warm Spurs coat on, navy (of course) with a small cockerel on to banish the sub zero temperatures, I was layered up with the mere hint of a pink cockerel daring to poke out of the top of my coat from my Spurs fleece. We go through the turnstiles, make our way to our seats in the Steve Bull stand. Me and my Dad were sitting there quietly contemplating what the evening may bring when a member of the Wolves steward team came to speak to us, after much pointing from afar and whispering in radios. 'Are you Spurs fans' ? he asked. Biting my tongue to save a more flippant remark I replied we were indeed. He then called a fellow steward over for back up - we must have looked menacing ! He told us that he was head steward and must ask that we leave immediately, unless we were prepared to move to the away end. We said that we much preferred to be in the away end and that if he could get tickets he was a better man than us, as we had failed since the Spurs end was sold out as usual. He went away looking back at us nervously as he went, only to return several minutes later and say he would 'allow' us to stay in our seats if we wanted but it was at our own risk and my dad would have to remove his coat !!! It WAS MINUS FUCKING 10 !!! The best Dad could do was turn his coat inside out to disguise the badge.....kind of. This wasnt good enough so he was presented with a Wolves golden goal sticker to go over the cockerel ! Humiliation ! I sarcastically asked if I should do any thing about the cockerel on my zip to which he asked if I could break it off !?! WTF ?! I didn't. We lost the bloody game 1-0, drove home, I scraped my car bumper on the way out after sliding on another patch of bloody ice and my Dad had hypothermia for weeks after due to sitting with his coat open in the freezing cold. Oh yeah, and I STILL hear about 'the other season when we took 6 points off the Yids'.......Bastards. :mad:
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

Stevie Stiffler said:
P.S

I am not homophobic in the slightest but he was a goon and deserved it. :fu:
Click to expand...

Almost nothing about this seems depressing.

1. You raw dogged your girlfriend in her parents home while she wore your Spurs shirt
2. You spent all day getting pissed at the pub
3. You capped it off by pissing on her homo producing Gooner dad - who was wearing his Woolwich shirt

Sounds like a nice Saturday.
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

FA Cup semifinal against Portsmouth two seasons ago. Watched an internet feed on my laptop in Atlanta. When the penalty was awarded I exploded in rage shouting things like, "This shit is fucking rigged! Most crooked game on the planet!"...and so on. Seeing red, I slammed the lid of my computer shut and absolutely demolished it. Smashed screen. Hard drive beyond repair. I killed my laptop. Then, to make matters worse - my wife enters and says, "I'm failing to understand why you find this so enjoyable."
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

WilsonJet said:
FA Cup semifinal against Portsmouth two seasons ago. Watched an internet feed on my laptop in Atlanta. When the penalty was awarded I exploded in rage shouting things like, "This shit is fucking rigged! Most crooked game on the planet!"...and so on. Seeing red, I slammed the lid of my computer shut and absolutely demolished it. Smashed screen. Hard drive beyond repair. I killed my laptop. Then, to make matters worse - my wife enters and says, "I'm failing to understand why you find this so enjoyable."
Click to expand...

Off topic, but I know Atlanta well and will be back there in the new year. The place to go to watch spurs games with a good group of supporters is Fado's in Buckhead. They open early to show pretty much any televised game and do a good Irish Breakfast too.
 
Re: Vertigo by John Crace Competition NOW OPEN!

Moved back to Tampa at the end of April so I'm no longer there, but I liked The Brew House in Little Five Points.
 
My Dad had a really shit one years ago, can't remember it fully even though he's told me a good 10 times, but like NortherSpur it involved hitch hiking and shit train journeys. I think we lost as well.
 
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