Dear Chris, you still ain't trained or twitted, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP the club doesn't update fans
If you can't play or be seen outside the complex
you don't have to, but you coulda told Poch we're worried
That's my fantasy team man, it's only gameweek six gone
I'm waiting since gameweek 1 to captain you and beat those wankers from the board,
four weeks and the club said fuck all
That's pretty shitty man - you're like our fucking idol
we want Lamela to be just like you man, he'd liked to more than we do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met this summer - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I can't find a good barber either
i just want an hairstyle like Toby Alderweireld
I can relate to what you're doing in your play
so when I have a shitty day, I watch your highlights and jerk away
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo with your number across the chest
Sometimes I even try to curl a ball with my clumsy feet
I'm like Andy Carroll, the failure is a natural thing for me
See everytime you play it's class, and I love you cause you're magic
My girlfriend's jealous cause I wanked on your goal vs tromso
But she don't know you like I know you Chris, maybe some wanker on TFC does
She don't know what it was like for yids in the 90s growing up
You gotta come back man, Chadli is playing like shit without you
Sincerely yours, THFC-Israel you should be inside me too
any news on when he's back FFS??
Dear Israeli, I meant to write you sooner but I've just been busy
You said your fantasy teams shit, how far gone is it?
Look, I'm really flattered you would jerk off to my goal
and here's an autograph for Lamela,
I wrote it on a Roma shirt
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the Lane, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you’d like a cut like Alderweireld?
He looks like Tintin dogg,
c'mon – his ears are fucked up too.
You got some issues Isy, I think you need some styling
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when I move to Madrid
And what's this shit about Andy Carroll?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and Chadli need each other
or maybe you just need to treat him better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt your hair, I think that your team will be doing just fine
if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Isy
why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car into Stamford Bridge
and had his season ticket in the trunk, and he had scribbled some shit about Bale on it
and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say which game it was
Come to think about it, it was Tromso... it was you... damn!
ochlol:
