Come here to laugh at Gooners

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"Puck Futin"
Took the dog to Greenwich park yesterday and spent half an hour being a gooner. I’ll explain.

last two weeks baiting gooners has been harder as they are all like dogs that have been beaten too much. They are all surrendering without a fight.

So I’m in Greenwich park having my bacon roll and coffee. Puppy comes over to play with my dog. Young fella (mid twenties) comes over and I explain my dogs soft. So the dogs start playing.

we start general chit chat about dogs and then I clock the AFC tat. Now I’m gonna have a little fun.

I nod to the tat and say ‘Gooner?’. ’Yeah’ comes the reply. I follow with ‘I am so fucking disappointed mate. How the fuck did we finish 5th in a 2 horse race?’ He shakes his head and replies ‘It’s all bollocks mate. 4 points with 3 games left. I still can’t believe it.‘. It goes like this for a few minutes. I’m just trying to stoke the burning embers of the despair of a gooner and I’m fucking loving it.

I ask ‘You finding Yids coming out of the woodwork everywhere you go’ . ‘Yep. You would think the cunts won a fucking war, not forth place. Thing is, it’s not just yid cunts, I’m getting from spammer and chav mates as well’. I’m loving this.

I tell him about the cunt yid I have living across from me. ‘ the cunt even had the Oh what a night song playing on loop’ . his face signals that he don’t know that one. So I offer a rendition.

’Oh what a night, watching Tottenham on a Wednesday night, you’ll play Thursday cos your fucking shite, oh what a night’. A slow shake of his head let’s me know I scored.

I move onto the conspiracy of soft penalties awarded to spurs.

’Did you see the number of soft pens these cunts got throughout the season. Kane don’t reach double figures without the help of all the soft penalties. I hate the cunt’. he’s in agreement. ‘Son‘s never a penalty. Cedric and the ref got played’. ‘ Exactly. Sky and VAR wanted Conte in the Champions League. It’s all fucking bollocks.’ a little bit of me has morphed into Ty from AFTV and I’m pulling this gooner in With me.

He has to go. I sat and pondered what I did and why. my conclusion was:

I had made a gooner feel a little worse about his cunt club. I had expanded his pit of despair.
I had taught a gooner the Oh what a night chant.
I made him think about the soft pens and how the whole fucking world is against his beloved Woolwich.

and I loved it. Near 50 years of emotional investment in spurs and about a quarter of that has been good. So for three quarters of that, over 35 years, it has been pain. And I promised myself that I will continue to be a cunt until it all goes tits up again. But till then, I’ll rinse every bit of fucking pain I can out of the Woolwich cunts.

arsenal robbie GIF
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