It’s a bit like saying a Ferrari that doesn’t start is more useful than a VW that doesn’t start
For me they’re both sitting there doing fuck all.
I’m not happier because one is worth more.
You've got to stop saying silly shit. We are not talking about both players not being out there on the pitch (like cars not starting) we are talking about them both being out there (starting in your car metaphor) but both players by their own individual standards being sub par. So to extend your car metaphor, we'd all rather have a Porsche* with a misfire than a VW with a misfire, because they'll both still get you there, but the Porsche will still get you there quicker and more stylishly.
*I'm replacing Porsche for Ferrari, for reasons of good taste.