: "Yes, hello, this is Daniel Levy."
: "We have taken your grand-mother. If you value her life, you must send 35 million Euros to the following Swiss bank account..."
: "Euros? Are you mad? What kind of kidnapper demands Euros, what with half of Europe about to collapse? Not to mention, it would be much easier for me to access pounds sterling. Exchange rates are a nightmare, after all!": "That would suffice. 35 million pounds or we ship you her HEAD!"
: "Oh come on you fool, are you trying to jack the price up on me? You can't very well demand 35 million Euros, then increase your demand to 35 million pounds!": "I... I'm sorry, I don't understand. 35 million pounds OR ELSE!!!!"
: "Ah, you see, it's all to do with exchange rates. After all, a US dollar is not worth a Euro, is not worth a pound. By current exchange rates, demanding 35 million pounds is equivalent to demanding over 43 million Euros! The equivalent in pounds sterling would be 28,393,188.88, according to today's rates.": "WHO GIVES A SHIT! Listen, send the money or else. I don't care if it's 35 million Euros or 28 million pounds, JUST GET US THE FUCKING MONEY!!!!" : "My dear, I can tell you've never done this before... Don't you understand how negotiation works? You make an offer, and I low-ball that offer with my counter-offer. After several iterations we eventually meet in the middle.": "Are you trying to tell me you won't pay?": "10,000 pounds...": "What?!?! You think we won't do it?": "Oh, I know you won't, because then you lose all of your leverage.": "20 million pounds, or we will start shipping body parts to you!!!": "Oh how horrific!!! But you see, I've never even really liked the cunt. When I learned to drive, all of the popular kid's grandparents bought them a BMW or Mercedes when they turned of age. All my grandparents gave me was a used Austin Allegro. Do you understand how difficult it is to lose your virginity driving one of those pieces of shit?!": "I... That's horrible. OK, 17.5 million pounds and it's a deal.": "AHA!! So you DO know how to deal. Sadly, I'm only getting started! My previous offer was 10,000 pounds. I'll increase that to 125,000 pounds.": "Are you sadistic? What kind of man values his grandmother in this way?": "That's a very generous offer. Think of all that you can do with that money. I only tell you this because I've already noticed from your accent that you are Albanian...": "You what??...": "I'M NOT FINISHED!!!! As I was saying, the GDP per capita of the Albanian citizen is roughly 4.5k USD. Let's see... adjusting for exchange rates... long division... Ah yes, that comes out to about the year's salary of 45 of the average Albanian citizen. So, you see, you can feed an awful lot of your underlings with that amount of money. I would hardly guess that your organization truly employs 45 individuals however, that number of employees in the business of organized crime begins to become unmanageable, what with simply too many people talking and bragging about the money they're making, trying to impress young hot tight-bodies. I would generously estimate that an individual of your obviously limited experience in kidnapping has, hmm... a dozen employees at most?": "Ah, what? HOW DID YOU KNOW... I mean, 10 million and we'll call it a deal." : "HA! Listen, I'm getting tired of this. I'm a very busy man and I'm trying to build a new stadium. I'll tell you what. I appreciate the effort that you've put into this deal, so I'll respect that by offering you rather more than I would have in any other situation. 750,000 pounds and it's a deal.": "THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!!!": "Oh good, I'm glad you think so. You see, as soon as you picked up the phone, I had my contacts in the government begin to trace the call. You see, I was thoroughly expecting a minimum layer of protection and security, and did not seriously think that you would call me from an unsecured line, but it turns out that you did, and now an SAS team is standing outside of your door, ready to breech and clear the room, so surely you see at this point that you don't have that many options. In light of that fact, I'll make my final offer, and that is 750,000 plus David Bentley. He is a rather attractive fellow. I think you'll find that he worth his weight in gold, at least so long as he is in the business of prostitution, and not football!": "I... fine. We have a deal."And yes, I actually googled "shitty british cars" in order to discover the Austin Allegro.
